fat day.

My workout habits this week so far:

30 day shred:
Okay well I've actually been sticking through the 30 day shred still.  Tonight I finished day 4.  The hardest part about the dvd's is actually doing them.  I mean they kick my ass every time I do it, they're not easy, but after work I never feel like actually putting in the dvd but after I do I feel great that I did.  I'm not sure if that makes any sense.  I'm determined to do it for the full 30 days straight though before my surgery which is only 40 some days away so now is the perfect time!  Since I've started I can definately tell I'm getting stronger and improving my endurance.  The first time I did it I had to take many many breaks and tonight I think I only took two.  For some reason the "jump rope" part is giving me shin splints.  They kill but I'm trying to work thru them for 26 more days.  Every day that I've stepped on the scale since I started the number has gone down as well.  This morning when I stepped on the scale, which they claim to be the most accurate time of day, I weighed 206.6.  I know that that is still a lot but actually seeing the scale go down at all is exciting and inspiriing.  I'm really starting to believe I can get down to 200 by March 9th.  The number on the scale isn't that big of a deal to me usually but the fact that my insurance is covering the surgery I feel I need to weigh what they think I weigh.  And when I got on the scale again tonight it said 210 but that's still better than the numbers I was seeing at night!

gym time:
This week I have been horrible with the gym.  I went Monday and literally just stayed for zumba.  The gym used to be one of my favorite places on earth when I was smaller.  I feel that I need to get back to that place of thinking/feeling.  I used to get up to go every morning even if it had to be a ridiculously early time before I started my day.  I want to get there again.  I usually feel great after exercising.  Part of the reason I haven't gone this week is because of the weather.  I'm definitely ready for winter to end.   Tuesday into Wednesday it snowed a little bit, then I had to wait for the heater man to come (who didn't show) and then worked 11-3 at one job and 4-630 at the other, they sent me home because of the bad weather starting again.  Today I woke up to over 12 inches of snow and another 11-3 then 4-8 work day so it made it a little impossible.  They're calling for snow again over the weekend but I can't go to the gym Saturday or Sundays because I work when they're open so tomorrow I am going to (try my hardest) to get up for spin at 6-7 then maybe do another half hour of cardio and then come home and do the dvd. 

my eating habits....

My eating habits this week have been awful.  I'm not really sure why I have just had no self control and given into all of my cravings.  Today my weakness was garlic knots (I work part time at a pizzeria and ate 6 decent sized ones today).  I wish I could say that was the only unhealthy thing I ate.  I also ate 2 cookies and 3 "fun sized" peices of candy.  Thinking back to it I'm extremely mad at myself that I didn't resist.  That food did absolutely nothing for me except make my breath smell and wish that I had not eaten them.  I really need to learn control.  When the stuff is infront of me and it's slow at work it's so hard.  Tomorrow I'm going to start trying to think the same way I think before I buy a big purchase: "Do I need this?  If I anwser yes then, why do I need this?  How will eating this make me feel?" I'm hoping that will help me.  I really feel that if I could change my eating habits I could loose the lbs I need to before surgery and it will help me after surgery when I cannot exercise for a few weeks.  I might also start writing down everything I eat again in a notebook.  I did that for a few days but it was extremely inconvienent but in a way helped. 

Overall...

Overall I kind of just feel like today is a fat day.  I think it's because of the mixture of the weather and my eating habits today.  I'm really hoping that tomorrow I can be strong and feel a lot better.  I don't know if this is normal but after a hard workout that includes strength training I almost feel like my muscles are swollen or something.  I definitely feel bigger.  I'm going to have to google that tomorrow and see if that actually happens.  If it does I would feel much better about myself right now! Welllll it's bed time so I can hopefully get up and spin my butt off tomorrow :)

checking in...

Okay well yesterday I didn't update because I didn't really have anything good to say.  I worked 8am-8pm and had 2 bags of m&ms and a kit kat.  Bad bad bad.  But for lunch I did have a Smart One and a fruit cup and for dinner I had some roast and veggies.  Not too bad overall of a day besides my candy splurge. 

This is my candy issue..... Where I work we sell candy at the front desk.  The front desk is my desk!  On the weekends its slow and it's extremely hard to not eat the candy!

But on to better days.  Today I didnt eat badly, until I got home from work and ate cookies.  Bad bad bad.  But this morning I got up to go to spin and got there 15 mins early and it was already full! boo! So instead I went to zumba which I don't like at all.  I didn't feel like I got a good workout in at all.  When I got home I did the 30 day shred.  I felt much better after but I still feel now like I should have worked out harder today.  Well that's all I have to say today.  I'm watching the Bachelor now and it's blurring my concentration.

first post!

Okay well I decided to start blogging my hopeful weight loss to keep me on track and give me more discipline knowing the I'll let the world, if anyone reads this, know my weight and my stuggles. 

I'm gonna start with a few questions I read on someone else's blog..

• How am I going to lose this weight?
• What am I willing to sacrifice/change in order to make it happen?
• Am I ready?
• Why is weight my struggle?
• And finally: WHY do I want to lose weight?

How am I going to loose this weight?  I'm going to loose the weight by getting back into an exercise routine and changing my eating habits.  Right now I am planning on starting the 30 day challange by Jillian Michaels, spinning (hopefully 3 days a week), and eating healthier.  I also have about 10 sessions left for my trainer that I have to find time to go see.  I feel that my eating habits as of now are either good or bad each day and never in the middle.

What am I willing to sacrifice/change in order to make it happen?  I'm definitely willing to change my eating habits and sacrifice sleep time for extra workout time.  I need to stop with the trips to wawa to get green tea thats loaded with sugar and just drink water instead.  It won't be easy but it needs to be done.

Am I ready?  I definitely am ready.  Right now I feel like I'm in a permenant fat suit that I can't take off.  I need this for my health and happiness.

Why is my weight a struggle?  This question is one that I don't really know the anwser to but it's definintely one that I need to figure out before any weight will shed.  I used to not be so heavy and then one summer the pounds just started packing on and I couldn't stop it.  I know that I have a midnight snacking problem.  Actually snacking in general.

Why do I want to loose weight?  Well I would like to ideally loose around 70 lbs.  I weight about 208 right now so that would leave me at about 138.  I don't remember anytime that I weighed that little.  My "normal" weight is at about 160 which is big for my 5'2 frame.  I want to feel good with the way I look in my clothes, and without clothes, and just pretty much like what I see when I look in the mirror.  I definitely need it for the confidence.  Right now I am not confident at all.

Here's a little bit of a background about me.  I'm 23 years old and will be 24 in September.  I was an allstar cheerleader all my life so I used to be extremely muscular and in great shape, but never skinny.  I was always a thick girl.  I'm about 5'2 and weigh 208 lbs.  I wear between a size 14-16 and would love to eventually be a size 8.  Later I will put my inches of my body on here when I feel like/have time to.  I'm getting a breast reduction March 9th.  I have had very large ones all of my life and have back issues and indents in my shoulders because of it.  I really need to loose 8 lbs and be down to 200 for that.  I wrote on my papers I weigh 200 and don't want my insurance to come back and reject the claim because I weigh more than that after they approved it.  I also work a lot.  Close to about 50 hours a week which cuts into working out/sleeping time.  With that being said it's my bed time.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll start on the right foot.