Running.

Just wanted to let the world know I did not fall off the horse! I'm still at it but haven't blogged in awhile. Since the last time I blogged I have stopped doing the 30 day shred. I did 21 days and when I started level 3 I just felt it was not for me - most of the exercises really irritated my shins and I felt I could exercise more efficiently one my own.

I have stuck with the couch to 5k and I absolutely love it! I'm on week 5 and ran 3 five minute intervals today with 3 min intervals in between. It's amazing how much you can change your body in a short period of time when you have drive! I could not have imagined running 5 minutes straight on day one of running, let alone enjoying it! I haven't lost many pounds but I can feel myself getting stronger, and people can see the changes!

Will update again soon!

More than half way thru!

Today I completed day 16 of the 30 day shred! I feel wonderful! I can definitely tell my body is adapting!

I also started the couch to 5k program again today. Week 1 day 1 was a breeze, maybe because this is my 6th time trying it, but it felt good! I was breathing heavy and grossly sweating so I know I did get a good workout! I feel like I need to add in the extra cardio to burn more fat while I am definitely being toned from the DVD!

I have a little under a month for my goal of those pants I discussed earlier! I will start posting weekly update pictures of me in the pants until December 15th! I'm excited and nervous at the same time! But it's bedtime for me!

Getting stronger!

I went out Saturday night && had a few too many adult beverages so I did skip the 30 day shred on Sunday. I can definitely see that I am loosing inches thou even thou the scale isn't budging! I also can feel myself getting stronger! I did another day of level 2 today and although it is still tough I can definitely tell a difference which is soo exciting! Now i want to try and focus on doing more cardio along with the DVD. I know I'm gaining a ton of muscle and the more muscle the faster you can burn fat. With that being said I think that throwing back in spinning and/or jogging will melt the fat off! I keep saying I don't have time, but the truth is I'm being lazy. I'm off Wednesday and will start then with adding in more cardio! Wish me luck!

Jeans.

I started gaining the weight in the summer of 2008. I moved to upstate ny to work for the summer and started to pack in pounds. I was drinking a lot of beer and eating horribly. That's when my weight started to spiral out of control. When I left for ny in may I was around 165 by the end of June I remember being around 180 and thought I looked pregnant. By the end of the summer/beginning of the school year I was close to 200. I remember buying a size of 12 jeans from express that were tight but I promised myself I'd fit into them. By that christmas I did hit 200 and since January 1 2009 I have not been under 200 lbs.

That winter into summer and beyond I started hanging out with a new group of people and going out every weekend. But I'd refuse to wear jeans, hell at that point I didn't even know what jean size I wore because I only wore leggings. By the start of the following school year I was snuggly in a size 16, but only wore jeans when I HAD to, and only owned one pair. I reached the upper 220s at my heaviest weight.

Now I'm fluctuating between 200-210. Those size 12 jeans I can now get up, for awhile I couldn't get them past my thighs, and I can button and zip them with a lot hanging over, but better than nothing. I'm seeing them as my goal jeans now, and I really want to wear them December 16. Maybe an unrealistic goal - but that's what I'm shooting for!

There wasn't a real purpose in this post, just kind of venting.

30 day shred level 2!

Well I've done 2 days on level 2 of the 30 day shred && holy crap it's intense! I'm not sure I will ever get thru it semi easily like level 1. But at the same time I like level 2 SOOO much better! Everything you do works more than just one muscle. And every exercise I can actually feel the burn unlike level one! It also seems to be much easier on my shins! One cardio exercise requires "double jump rope" and that I cannot do due to my shins but I just do another 30 seconds of high knees which do not hurt my shins!

I'm really excited to see what the results will be from 10 days on level 2! After 10 days on level one there were
not any results really, I'm hoping there will be now!

Happy Saturday!

I know it has been a couple days since I have posted! Not much was going on.

Thursday was not a good day for me, I ate an entire bag of combos! Theres 7 1/3 cup servings in a bag at 130 calories each. Pretty scary, the good thing was I felt sooooo sick the entire night I will probably never pick another combo up in my lifetime! I went to the grocery store and picked up some fruits and veggies! Hopefully that will help me out! When I got home I halfass did the 30 day shred, my shins were screaming at me so I barely could do the butt kicks and jump rope, I did try my best thou!

Friday was a so-so day. I weighed myself when I got up and had gained weight, i was at 208.6 which is really upsetting because at the beginning of my vacation the first week of the month I had gotten down to 203, but wasn't watching what I eat or exercising much - I'm hoping it's muscle gain. But I pushed thru doing the 30 day shred again - day 5! - but had to modify the parts that hurt my shins, and probably did not burn as many calories, but it is better than nothing. My eating habits were okay for the day - Im trying to get in the habit of tracking my calories in my fitness pal on my phone - I filled in working at the pizzeria last night after my full time job, and I thought I was wasting away, I need to learn how to distribute my food for the day better, I had planned on eating a salad when I first got there, but we were busy and I didn't get to eat until after 7 and it was a slice of pizza, I did still have a good amount of calories left for the day so it's okay!

When at the pizzeria I got hit on too! Which sadly was very exciting! He's cute, but I do still miss my ex mucho. The guy was a guy that also helps out at the pizzeria, his brother. Later in the night he was like do you want me to set ya up with my brother? So hm, there's a possibility for the future!

Feeling discouraged.

Welp, today was my first day back to work after being on vacation since Halloween. I came back to the guy I talked about having been let go. I guess that should cheer me up, but when I weighed myself earlier I had gained weight, less than a pound but it still made me down for the rest of the day, especially since my legs were still too sore to be able to walk normally. I also wore a shirt that I felt squeezed my arm fat out. Just no good overall. But enough venting....

I still made myself do the 30 day shred when I got home, 3 days down 27 more to go! I also had a protein shake with a spoonful of peanut butter. Partly bc there was nothing else to eat, partly bc I ate a calorie full lunch. I started to feel a little like I'm getting shin splints. I'm hoping it's just my sore calfs!

But I think that's enough for tonight!

Trying to be back on the wagon!

Well it has been awhile for me but I'm trying to get back on the right track. As for my goals I posted before. They were not met. I did not fit into a size 8 by September. I am now in a size 14. I guess that is not that bad considering I haven't gained, and I did go down one size. I will say I'm probably not in a good place right now. I got a promotion at work back in march. nd absolutely loved it until July, when they hired a new guy that is a cry baby And I feel more like I have to babysit him than do my own job, which as you can imagine puts me behind. I also was lucky enough to have the man of my dreams come back into my life, only ro exit it again the beginning of October. As you can tell I have had a rough few months, so I should be proud of not gaining anything.

My plan, as of now, is to do the Jillian michaels 30 day shred again, I'm 2 days in, and when my legs aren't too sore to walk, attempt the couch to 5k program also! My thighs and calfs are killing me today! The good pain of course, but it prohibits me from doing anything else.

I have a few pictures I would like to post! A couple are of my body, and the others are of me in my old favorite jeans, which I can finally button again! But have lots of fat hanging out! I'm hoping they will be motivation and I can use them to track progress!

Well here it goes!

surgery!

Well I have been absolutely awful with posting and with exercising and eating right.  I had surgery on Wednesday, a breast reduction, and while the dr was marking me up he said we're gonna fix this and then you have to promise to loose some weight cuz your too cute to have this and pointed to my gut.  So when I heal I'm gonna have to work harder!  We'll I'm still kinda out of it right now so that's where my post will end for today!

awful awful awful!

So obviously I have been horrible with posting lately and that in turn (I guess?) made me horrible with eating!  I've had a very hectic Friday-today but I know it should be no excuse!  Friday I worked 8-8 and then Saturday I ended up working 3-8 then Sunday and Monday (today) I worked 8-8 again! I also house sat on Saturday into Sunday and didn't have my healthy food with me.  It seems to be getting harder!  When I weighed in on Friday I had gained .2 from the previous week and I haven't gone to the gym in days either! The past couple days I've felt so exhausted that it made me feel sick anddd I'm kinda applying for one, maybe two, full-time jobs within my company so I've been focused on tweaking my resume to make it perfect!  It's super stressful! Tomorrow I'm having lunch with a friend, but besides that I'm back on my weight watchers!  Lunch will be hard to figure the points for so I'm gonna make sure to have a small breakfast like a peice of fruit and a salad for dinner so all my daily points can go into my lunch!  Friday I went over a friends I havent seen since the beginning of December and her mom was like you look so much thinner!  It felt amazing! (which reminds me I need to upload a picture onto here!)  But I'm done ranting tonight.  Maybe I'll have more to rant about tomorrow!

February 16

Well I didn't go to the gym this morning.  Got called into work at the nursing home early again so I didn't work at the pizzeria either.  I think I've gotten better with eating "healthier points" that are more points to get to my 29 points a day.  But today my stomachs very gargly.  I hope it settles down soon.  Tomorrow morning I'm going to make sure I make it to the gym.  Tomorrow night and Friday morning I'm gonna take Piper (the dog I'm watching) for a very long walk!  It will be good for both me and her. 

One of the ladys I work with is doing Weight Watchers and she lost 3.2 pounds in one week!  I hope I've lost that when I weigh myself in Friday morning!  That would be awesome!  Then if I could loose about the same the following week I'd be at the weight I want for my surgery!

It's a couple hours later and I still feel gargly and bloated! boo! I dipped in my extra points again today!  I blame all on it on pmsing!  I'm hoping when I go up to school tonight I don't snack or go to McDonalds like I used to do when I lived up there.  Old habits die hard!  Wish me luck!

February 15

Another 12 hour day at work today.  The good thing with these long days is overtime and I get to look up recepies most of the day!  The only problem is I have NO time to cook them!  Soon enough the new girl starts and then I'll be complaining I want to work more!

Well this week is insane for me AND I'm pmsing.  Bad combo!  It can lead to mindless snacking if I allow it.  Tomorrow I'm going to spin at 5:45, working the pizzeria 11-2:30 then the nursing home 4-8 then up to my college for a show my sorority's hosting.  Thursday I'm at the pizzeria 11-3 then spending the night at my mom's friends house to house & pet sit (until Sunday).  Friday I'm working 8-8 then hanging out with a friend for movies and Blue Moon (2 points).  Phew.  Finally off Saturday.  Exercising may be a little hard.  I'm doing my first weigh in Friday morning and I'm a little nervous.  I'm hoping I drop at least a pound and feel like I need to in order to make it easier to keep going.  I've been doing well measuring things and I think I might buy a food scale this weekend.  That should help.

Anyways, it's officially 3 weeks until my surgery! When I'm healed and cleared by the doc I'm going back to the trainer.  I cannot wait to work with his crazy-ass.  I definitely think training with him has helped me with my current workouts!

Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!  For "single's awareness day" I'm actually in a GREAT mood!  I think it's because it's the first Spring type day.  It's gorgeous out!  Of course it'll be back in the 30s tomorrow but that's okay!  Mother Nature gave us singles a wonderful Valentine's Day gift!

This morning I got called into work early so I couldn't work out, but I'll go after work.  Everyday at work there's many many temptations and today I decided to give in to a couple.  I'm going over my 29 points today (not by much) but it's okay!  Weekly your supposed to have 40 some "cheat" points.  I think it's a crazy amount but today since it's Valentine's day, and I'm alone, I'm okay with it.  It's surprisingly easier and easier to resist, actually not even want, unhealthy food!  I'm thinking I like and will be able to stick to this so maybe after my surgery I'll officially join Weight Watcher's.  I just have a hard time spending $38 on a gym and $18 on Weight Watcher's online when I have a lot of college debt.  Hm, decisions decisions!

Random Thoughts!

Well like I said before, I work at a nursing home.  It's a small building with one floor and a long hall.  It amazes and disgusts me when visitors walk down to the end of the hall, or sometimes not even that far, and back and are breathing like they just ran a marathon!  I understand the elderly but when your in, I'll guesstimate, your 40s that should not happen.  I don't wanna hear the excuses "I have a bad back" or most health issues.  Most, including the back ache from walking for 3 mins, health issues can be helped by loosing weight or even eliminated completely.  The "I have a bad back" really means I'm fat AND out of shape!  I do get back pain as well but part of the reason is the size of my chest, which will be reduced March 9th, and I do know I am overweight but I still exercise, don't make excuses, and could probably jog the hall down and back and not be as winded.  It just bothers me.  Our bodies are not meant to carry that much weight and you only get one body afterall!

Another random thought, I have not wanted candy this entire weekend! It feels amazing to crave nutella and peaches instead of candy!  I know I said this about 75 times but this time is really going to be different! Size 8 dress by September?! YES! Bikini this summer?! HECK YES! I think I decided on getting myself Crest White Strips for when I hit 195! I definitely now feel I will be able to look good and have my "adult life" started by this time next year!

In a funk....

So as I told you I went over my friends last night and she's married and pregnant AND we watched her 18 month old nephew, who is the cutest little boy ever, and although it was fun and I love hanging out with her and am extremely happy for her, I was definitely very sad about it too because I feel like that's where I want to be in my life right now.  I want to be with my partner for life starting a life and family together but I can't even land a boyfriend.  At least not one that I'd be interested in.  I blame it all on my weight.  People that I'm interested in aren't interested in me and that's why.  Who wants to be with a fat girl?  I have friends that are thin and can breakup with someone and have a new boyfriend 10 mins later! I'm pretty much in an emotional rut right now because of my weight and need to get past it.  I never thought I'd be so far behind all my peers with things like getting a career, married, a house and a family but I feel like I am.  I've always kinda thought if you can't be happy alone you can't be happy with someone either but I just feel like it's my time to meet someone, settle down and live happily every after but I don't believe it's in the stars for me.  I need to workout after work.  Hopefully that will help me feel better.

February 13

Well I didn't get up to workout this morning.  I actually somehow turned off my alarm clock and went back to bed and don't remember it! Now I'm exhausted!  When I first got up my first thought was "oh no I'll have to eat fast food for lunch!" But since I'm trying really hard with this WW stuff I just threw food, and my measuring spoons, in the bag and ran out the door.  This is a really big accomplishment for me.  I'm famous for thinking/saying "oh I'll just start tomorrow" or "oh I'll just grab fastfood this one time."  I think the actions I did this morning prove that this time it really is going to be different and I'm ready for this.  I'm very proud of myself for that.  Today my friend who has done WW told me that your supposed to eat your max points for the day but it's actually really hard to do.  I've been planning out what I'm eating the day before but of course things always change.  Like last night I saved "just in case" points for when I went over my friends and there I drank 8 pts worth of juice! (Well actually shared some of it with her super cute nephew) But that is how I like to set it up.  So I have some just in case points because obviously things can change all the time!  I'll have to work on that.  I feel like I'm already eating so much and it's good healthy stuff and don't know how to add points in. 

February 12

930 am - I woke up today a little hungry but in a great mood! I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself everyday but I did anyway this morning and the scale said 206.8!  I know weight fluctuates from hour to hour and day to day but it made me feel like this point system really will work! Im honestly loving this "program" already.  You really can eat anything and not feel guilty!  I was kinda trying the eat clean stuff and the principles from the book skinny bitch but today when I asked me friend, who has done WW, how many points a diet pepsi was and she said 0 I knew this was the program for me!  Yes I would like to not drink as much diet soda bc I know it's not healthy for you but the fact that I can drink it makes it amazing.  I'm working 8-8  today so I planned my eating and prepared my food last night.  I had a donut this morning and still my "budget" is under the 29 daily points!  Also, I've discovered the most delish breakfast ever that could also be used as a sweet and satisfying snack!  It's a tablespoon of Nutella (2.5 pts), a slice of whole wheat bread (2 pts), and sliced a banana on top (0 pt).  The whole thing was only 4.5 pts! The more I think about it the more I find yummy foods for breakfast!  With this and exercise maybe I will be down to 200 by March 9th! (Fingers crossed!)

725 pm - Well I just had my dinner, Smart Ones lasanga bake with meat sauce and I'm honestly still satisfied today! I've only used 22.5 points today out of the 29 I'm allowed.  I felt kinda hungry a little bit today but I  think it was more in my head than actual hunger.  I haven't even thought about touching the candy infront of me!  I actually feel smaller already!  I know t hat's just in my head too though but it's what I need to think!  I'm happier and have more energy so far.  I'm going to a friends tonight to hangout and watch a movie.  It's a good thing I still have 6.5 pts left just incase! Tomorrow I work 8-8 again and I'm gonna attempt to get up around 5:30 and take my dog for a walk.  The key word is attempt since I'm a horrible morning person!

February 11

Weigh in 1
207.4 at 7 am

29 pts allowed for the day..
2 eggs                                          4 pts
Cdr PB crackers                          5 pts
Smart One                                   5 pts
Chicken w/ spinach                      5 pts
Humus (apx 2 tbsp)                     2 pts
Cottage Cheese (apx 1.5 C)        6 pts
Banana                                        0 pts
                                                   27 pts

It's lunchtime now and I'm not sure if it's because I've been thinking about it or because my minds playing tricks but I'm hungry.  I have 15 pts left for the day and its 12:45.  I think its pretty good.

Well I did pretty good the rest of the day! I'm not positive my point values are right because today I didn't measure my humus or cottage chz and when I was measuring it for my lunch tomorrow I realized it was a lot more than I thought.  I'm definitely going to have to measure t hings.  I went to the gym tonight as well and I pretty much just feel awesome right now! Big changes are coming up!

Weight Watchersish.... (Feb 10)

Today I decided I'm going to do my own weight watchers type thing.  I'll start by weighing in myself tomorrow morning then won't touch the scale until next Friday.  I found a website that tells you your point allottment for the day and another one that calculates the points in a specific food based on the fat, fiber, carbs and protien.  I usually eat the same stuff so I'll start a spread sheet with the point amounts.  I can have 29 points a day.  I really hope this works!  If I'm still the same weight after 3 weeks/my surgery I'll have to find something else to try.  But if it does work maybe I'll subscribe to actual weight watchers instead of my ghetto version. 

Tip 5 and 6

Tip 5:  Take a picture of yourself in a swim suit at the start of your program and each month in the same thing.

I took a picture on 2/2/11 in a brightly colored bikini.  I want to be able to wear it this summer.  Right now I look scary in it.  I will upload it later.

Tip 6:  Get your mind involved and relax

I think that writing this and being financially organized and my room being clean helps me relax.  I would love to take yoga but right now I don't have the time.  Hopefully in the future I will.

February 10

Wel I've been really bad keeping updates in here but it's because I've been really bad remembering to bring my notebook to work with me and that's where I usually do my writing.  Well I've been good with exercising but the same with food, which is a little better than normal.  You'd think the weight would be melting off but it's not!  I guess that means I need to reduce my calorie intake to reduce my fat.. I will work on it.  I've been working so much though (58 hrs this week at one job and 8 at the other) so most the time I dont think about what's going in my mouth.  People are constantly bringing in goodies too.. pretzels, donuts, cookies... They get hard to resist.  My coworkers also order out a lot which tempts me to order out as well instead of eating my "smartone" But I know I need to stop making excuses.

February 6

I couldn't sleep last night.  I think it's because of my accidental nap I took in the afternoon.  I'm working 8-8 again today and of course the gym has crappy hours because it's Sunday.  I think I might do some crunches, leg and arm work when I get home.  Can't loose momentum.  Tomorrow my plan is to go to spin from 930-1030 and then do a little bit of my walk/run combo.  I really need to swing by a store at some point too.  My work pants are too big and they say wearing clothes that are too big is a way to gain weight. 

tip 3 and 4

Tip 3: Plan activities throughout the year to be slim for.  Small reasonable goals.

•  The first day of summer : I'd love to be back into my size 12 jeans by then! Everyone wants to be thin for summer but that is unreasonable for me.  So I'll just say "slimmer"
• September 19th:  One of my good friends is getting married and I'd like to not have to hide from cameras like I did at another friends wedding last June.  September is also my birthday month, and I will have a lot going on.  My goal by September 19th is a size 8.

That's all I can think of for now!

Tip 4:  Promise yourself a treat when you reach your goals
   Right now I'm thinking of big "treats" when I reach big goals, like a new Northface, if it's still winter, when I break the 200 lb barrier and smaller ones, like a spray tan or new peice of clothing, when I weigh a number that ends in 5 like 205, 195... and maybe another small treat when it ends in 0, 190, 180... I think small goals like 5 lb increments will help keep me on track.

February 4 and 5

Friday
 My eating overall was wonderful except having a pop tart! I woke up earlier than I have been and had a tough, but amazing, workout.  After that I went and got my hair cut.  For lunch I actually cooked! I made talapia that I found on the eat clean website and had it with green beans! It was my first time cooking talapia and it was super easy!  I wasn't a big fan of I think it was the garlic but it's definitely something I'd try again! Maybe with cajun spice next time! Yummy!   For breakfast I had an egg white omlet with mushrooms, green peppers, and cheese! Again, yummy but I should have left the cheese out to be healthier.  I had an orange too with my breakfast.  Before I went to work is when I ate the poptart.  It didn't really do anything for me.  I think I'm starting to understand the concept of "eating to live" instead of "living to eat."  When I eat something bad it only tastes good for a minute, while it's in my mouth, while healthy food satisfies me for way longer.

Saturday
I had my usual breakfast again.  The eggwhite omlet, then had another kick ass workout!  I really wanna be a runner so I try to ease myself into it and do interval training at  the same time.  Today I walked 2 minutes at 3.5 then jogged at 5.0 for 3 mins (I'm only 5'3 so even though that's walking for some, it's jogging for my short legs!).  I jogged in total 12 mins (which was 20 mins of the "interval training") and my shins were SCREAMING at me so I just walked increasing the incline by 1 every minute.  In total I was on the treadmill for 38 mins then did some arm and ab work.  I was very satisfied with my workout.  I went out to lunch with my mom and didn't do great but I could have done worse.  We went to a wonderful little Italian restaurant and I had a lunch size shrimp scampi with crab meat.  I didn't eat it all for lunch I finished the rest for dinner.  I did eat a few girl scout cookies as well! I wouldn't say today was an exceptionally good or bad day.

Tip 2

Make a target weight believable.  How will you feel?  What will you wear?  What will you be doing?

When I loose weight I will feel prettier, more confident, happier and most of all MORE ENERGENIC! I will wear whatever I feel like wearing because I'll look good in anything!  I'm looking forward to wearing a bikini and shorts! I don't think I've ever been comfortable in shorts but I want to be!  It gets to be a pain when I wear pants when I'm going anywhere in the summer.  I will go on dates and out with friends and believe I look good!  I will run for fun.  I will never feel too out of shape to do what I feel like doing again.

February 3

Well I slept crappy last night so I ended up sleeping in late today.  I wanted to go to the gym this morning but that didn't happen.  When I woke up, again, I ate two small bags of sun chips.  That's really something I need to work on.  I worked at the pizzeria again and didn't snack at all! I was extremely proud of myself.  For lunch I had a garden salad and and soup again.  For dinner, a tuna sandwich and an orange.

When I was driving to the nursing home today I realized that when I'm in a good mood I do well with eating which leads me to believe I do eat my emotions.  I know I'll never be happy all the time so that is something I need to work out.

I watched "I used to be fat" on mtv and I think maybe it did help me get my head straight.  This is something I really need.  I want to be healthy and that girls story was actually inspirational.  On a down note though I got my presurgery papers yesterday and I need to get a physical within the next two weeks.  That means there's no way I'll get down to 200 before then and I don't think they'll weigh me in the day of.  I'm gonna try to be good with food and exercising until then so I'll be a little bit better.

As for exercizing lately, I have not made it to the gym recently but have been doing the DVD.  I have very bad shin splints though which have been making it so I haven't been giving it 100%.  I did end up going to the gym tonight after work at it was actually wonderful.  I did my "interval" training that also, I'm hoping, will make me more of a runner.  I run for 3 mins then walk for 2 repeatedly.  My shins were hurting but it I could push through it.  I was super proud of myself.

PS I'm buying a juicer tonght! I think it will be fun to use and definitely will be healthier and taste yummy!

Tip 1.

Weight loss is about desire not will power.  How much do you want to loose weight? why?

I'm not so sure I agree with this.  I think weight loss is about breaking bad habits and replacing them with good healthy habits for a life style change.  That in itself is desire and willpower.  You have to have the desire to get healthy and the willpower to put down the donut and pick up the apple.  Desire without willpower and vice versa will not give you results and drag you down.  I want to loose weight for so many reasons.  Some are the right reasons, some are not.  One reason is because I physically feel uncomfortable.  My gut gets in the way and I feel like I'm in a fat suit I can't take off.  Another reason is to get physically fit.  I would love to run a 5k.  I have never been a runner but always wanted to be.  I also want to look better and have more confidence to find "the one."  I know people should love you for who you are but if i were a guy I wouldn't look at me, and by being more confident that positive energy will draw people towards me.  I'm also a believer in you have to love yourself before anyone else can and when I look in the mirror I don't even like what I see.

Feb 2, 2011

When I woke up this morning, not until 9:30 because I'm a bum, I ate 2 little bags of doritos.  I'm not even a big fan of doritos.  After I ate them I felt super guilty.  Mornings are definately an issue for me.  I don't even wait for my hunger to kick in, I think it's just a habit now.  I'm going to work hard to break it because I hate feeling guilty and it messes me up for the rest of the day.

I worked at the pizzeria from 11-3 today and actually did pretty good.  I did snack on garlic sticks but had a soup and salad for lunch.  It was delish.  It's 6:30 now and I'm still not hungry, I'm pretty proud of myself for that.  I also did not drink any soda at the pizzeria which is good for me!  Oh, and I had a small peice of cake.  Not good but the fact it was tiny is still a big step!

As for tonight, I'm not hungry - so I'm not gonna eat.  I am going to workout though because I did not this morning.  I took pictures this morning in a bikini (I will post them later) that I really want to wear this summer.  Right now by looking at those pictures it is not possible, they're pretty scary stuff.  I'm keeping a camera in my bag at all times though so I keep in mind not to eat bad or skip my exercise or I'll keep looking that way.  My surgery is in 33 days now.   I could not be more excited or nervous at the same time.

Today overall I think was successful, of course that still depends on what happens when I get done work but as of right now I'm thinking positive for the future.

Okay well as you can tell I'm awful with posting daily.  I've decided that I'm going to keep a compisition notebook with me at all times and I'll write in it daily, then post those on here when I have time.  I know I could just leave what I have to say/am felling/ate in the book but I feel like if I have it where people can read it I will feel less likely to stray from it.  Also, I found a website that has 20 tips to keep you on track.  I'm going to break down one tip a day because a lot of them ask questions and have suggestion type things. Well today I am going to start with Feb 2, Feb 3 and today.  I did not write in my book yesterday but I'll try and write some about yesterday.

fat day.

My workout habits this week so far:

30 day shred:
Okay well I've actually been sticking through the 30 day shred still.  Tonight I finished day 4.  The hardest part about the dvd's is actually doing them.  I mean they kick my ass every time I do it, they're not easy, but after work I never feel like actually putting in the dvd but after I do I feel great that I did.  I'm not sure if that makes any sense.  I'm determined to do it for the full 30 days straight though before my surgery which is only 40 some days away so now is the perfect time!  Since I've started I can definately tell I'm getting stronger and improving my endurance.  The first time I did it I had to take many many breaks and tonight I think I only took two.  For some reason the "jump rope" part is giving me shin splints.  They kill but I'm trying to work thru them for 26 more days.  Every day that I've stepped on the scale since I started the number has gone down as well.  This morning when I stepped on the scale, which they claim to be the most accurate time of day, I weighed 206.6.  I know that that is still a lot but actually seeing the scale go down at all is exciting and inspiriing.  I'm really starting to believe I can get down to 200 by March 9th.  The number on the scale isn't that big of a deal to me usually but the fact that my insurance is covering the surgery I feel I need to weigh what they think I weigh.  And when I got on the scale again tonight it said 210 but that's still better than the numbers I was seeing at night!

gym time:
This week I have been horrible with the gym.  I went Monday and literally just stayed for zumba.  The gym used to be one of my favorite places on earth when I was smaller.  I feel that I need to get back to that place of thinking/feeling.  I used to get up to go every morning even if it had to be a ridiculously early time before I started my day.  I want to get there again.  I usually feel great after exercising.  Part of the reason I haven't gone this week is because of the weather.  I'm definitely ready for winter to end.   Tuesday into Wednesday it snowed a little bit, then I had to wait for the heater man to come (who didn't show) and then worked 11-3 at one job and 4-630 at the other, they sent me home because of the bad weather starting again.  Today I woke up to over 12 inches of snow and another 11-3 then 4-8 work day so it made it a little impossible.  They're calling for snow again over the weekend but I can't go to the gym Saturday or Sundays because I work when they're open so tomorrow I am going to (try my hardest) to get up for spin at 6-7 then maybe do another half hour of cardio and then come home and do the dvd. 

my eating habits....

My eating habits this week have been awful.  I'm not really sure why I have just had no self control and given into all of my cravings.  Today my weakness was garlic knots (I work part time at a pizzeria and ate 6 decent sized ones today).  I wish I could say that was the only unhealthy thing I ate.  I also ate 2 cookies and 3 "fun sized" peices of candy.  Thinking back to it I'm extremely mad at myself that I didn't resist.  That food did absolutely nothing for me except make my breath smell and wish that I had not eaten them.  I really need to learn control.  When the stuff is infront of me and it's slow at work it's so hard.  Tomorrow I'm going to start trying to think the same way I think before I buy a big purchase: "Do I need this?  If I anwser yes then, why do I need this?  How will eating this make me feel?" I'm hoping that will help me.  I really feel that if I could change my eating habits I could loose the lbs I need to before surgery and it will help me after surgery when I cannot exercise for a few weeks.  I might also start writing down everything I eat again in a notebook.  I did that for a few days but it was extremely inconvienent but in a way helped. 

Overall...

Overall I kind of just feel like today is a fat day.  I think it's because of the mixture of the weather and my eating habits today.  I'm really hoping that tomorrow I can be strong and feel a lot better.  I don't know if this is normal but after a hard workout that includes strength training I almost feel like my muscles are swollen or something.  I definitely feel bigger.  I'm going to have to google that tomorrow and see if that actually happens.  If it does I would feel much better about myself right now! Welllll it's bed time so I can hopefully get up and spin my butt off tomorrow :)

checking in...

Okay well yesterday I didn't update because I didn't really have anything good to say.  I worked 8am-8pm and had 2 bags of m&ms and a kit kat.  Bad bad bad.  But for lunch I did have a Smart One and a fruit cup and for dinner I had some roast and veggies.  Not too bad overall of a day besides my candy splurge. 

This is my candy issue..... Where I work we sell candy at the front desk.  The front desk is my desk!  On the weekends its slow and it's extremely hard to not eat the candy!

But on to better days.  Today I didnt eat badly, until I got home from work and ate cookies.  Bad bad bad.  But this morning I got up to go to spin and got there 15 mins early and it was already full! boo! So instead I went to zumba which I don't like at all.  I didn't feel like I got a good workout in at all.  When I got home I did the 30 day shred.  I felt much better after but I still feel now like I should have worked out harder today.  Well that's all I have to say today.  I'm watching the Bachelor now and it's blurring my concentration.

first post!

Okay well I decided to start blogging my hopeful weight loss to keep me on track and give me more discipline knowing the I'll let the world, if anyone reads this, know my weight and my stuggles. 

I'm gonna start with a few questions I read on someone else's blog..

• How am I going to lose this weight?
• What am I willing to sacrifice/change in order to make it happen?
• Am I ready?
• Why is weight my struggle?
• And finally: WHY do I want to lose weight?

How am I going to loose this weight?  I'm going to loose the weight by getting back into an exercise routine and changing my eating habits.  Right now I am planning on starting the 30 day challange by Jillian Michaels, spinning (hopefully 3 days a week), and eating healthier.  I also have about 10 sessions left for my trainer that I have to find time to go see.  I feel that my eating habits as of now are either good or bad each day and never in the middle.

What am I willing to sacrifice/change in order to make it happen?  I'm definitely willing to change my eating habits and sacrifice sleep time for extra workout time.  I need to stop with the trips to wawa to get green tea thats loaded with sugar and just drink water instead.  It won't be easy but it needs to be done.

Am I ready?  I definitely am ready.  Right now I feel like I'm in a permenant fat suit that I can't take off.  I need this for my health and happiness.

Why is my weight a struggle?  This question is one that I don't really know the anwser to but it's definintely one that I need to figure out before any weight will shed.  I used to not be so heavy and then one summer the pounds just started packing on and I couldn't stop it.  I know that I have a midnight snacking problem.  Actually snacking in general.

Why do I want to loose weight?  Well I would like to ideally loose around 70 lbs.  I weight about 208 right now so that would leave me at about 138.  I don't remember anytime that I weighed that little.  My "normal" weight is at about 160 which is big for my 5'2 frame.  I want to feel good with the way I look in my clothes, and without clothes, and just pretty much like what I see when I look in the mirror.  I definitely need it for the confidence.  Right now I am not confident at all.

Here's a little bit of a background about me.  I'm 23 years old and will be 24 in September.  I was an allstar cheerleader all my life so I used to be extremely muscular and in great shape, but never skinny.  I was always a thick girl.  I'm about 5'2 and weigh 208 lbs.  I wear between a size 14-16 and would love to eventually be a size 8.  Later I will put my inches of my body on here when I feel like/have time to.  I'm getting a breast reduction March 9th.  I have had very large ones all of my life and have back issues and indents in my shoulders because of it.  I really need to loose 8 lbs and be down to 200 for that.  I wrote on my papers I weigh 200 and don't want my insurance to come back and reject the claim because I weigh more than that after they approved it.  I also work a lot.  Close to about 50 hours a week which cuts into working out/sleeping time.  With that being said it's my bed time.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll start on the right foot.